Posts Tagged ‘Personal Development’

Eliminate Your Emotional Reactions

Monday, August 30th, 2010
Feeling a little frustrated?

Feeling a little frustrated?

How much EASIER would your life be if you did not have to constantly manage your emotional reactions?  Imagine having a positive impact on your relationships with others, without expending as much energy to do so. It is finally possible to resolve the emotional energy that causes emotional reactions.

What are Management Strategies?

Management strategies use your ability to think.   Almost all personal development, coaching and counselling are based on exploring and changing your thinking.  In the coaching and personal development work I’m most familiar with, our conversations explore the following areas:

  • Taking 100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life and not being a victim or blaming others.
  • Habits – choosing things to positively serve your body and your life rather than doing things which suppress emotions and have negative impacts; such as too much sugar, alcohol, smoking, lack of sleep, too many hours in front of a TV or computer, to mention a few.
  • Attitudes – recognizing whether you experience things from a positive perspective or negative perspective.  Is the glass half full or half empty?
  • Beliefs – challenging what you believe to be true about the way the world works.
  • Control – attempting to redirect your emotional reactions; stopping yourself from being upset and having a negative impact.

Managing all of these areas takes focus and energy, and over time you will change some of your habits, attitudes and beliefs. This allows you to live a happier life, because you are more resourceful in the moment,  able to control your emotional reactions and you can take more responsibility for what is happening in your life.  Life will be better.  With practice and continuous work it certainly was for me.

And there is something even easier: resolving energy.

What is RESOLVING?

Resolving virtually eliminates the need to constantly be managing and controlling your emotions.  What you were previously managing becomes easy, and upsetting emotional reactions virtually disappear over time.  You get to experience more bliss in life.

Resolving the energy that causes emotional reactions is like draining old sludge out of your battery to make room for more vibrant energy to fuel your life.   It is the old sludge energy from past emotional conditioning that causes you to have emotional reactions such as frustration, anger, anxiety, worry and fear.  By resolving you are eliminating energy from your body rather than adding new thinking or learning.  It is like deleting a virus from your personal human hard drive.

I was recently doing this work with a friend of mine and his relatively new big flat panel TV stopped working one day.  His normal reaction would have been to get angry and upset.  Instead he very calmly dealt with the situation, finding someone to help him take the TV in to be serviced on warranty.  He didn’t have to expend any energy on being angry or on trying to control an emotional reaction.  He just took care of business.

When is it good to Manage?

Being able to manage your emotions is very useful in the moment when situations occur that push your emotional hot buttons (associated with unresolved underlying energy).  When you are resourceful in the moment your actions will have a positive impact on the people around you.  Having a positive impact is always a good thing in my books!

Then at a later point in time you can sit down and resolve the energy.

How do you Resolve the old energy?

We will show you how in the Emotional Hot Button Removal workshop.  Click Here for more information

Feedback Helps Growth

Thursday, August 26th, 2010
The Truck has a new paint job!

The Truck has a new paint job!

To keep growing it takes courage to seek feedback and hear the truth from people that are close to us.  A new friend, Gary has been giving me feedback about how I am being.  I must admit that for the most part I did not understand what he was trying to tell me and I also had a lot of resistance to the message that I was hearing.   After all, I had already done a significant amount of personal development work and I really like the person that I have become.  Especially when I compare myself now to whom I use to be.

One of the things that I really appreciate about myself is that I am a committed and avid learner.  So although I had resistance to the message that I was hearing from Gary, I started to check out this messages with other people that are close to me.  Two things happened.   There were those people who love me for exactly who I am and the way that I am today.  These people questioned me about my desire and motivation to change.  Their basic position was that we are fundamentally who we are and that I am just fine the way I am.  I am just fine the way I am and sometimes the people who love us may not be helping us to grow.

I continued to seek more feedback. Due all the emotional energy that I had resolved over the last two years my intuition told me that Gary might have a point and something else might be possible.  One of my friends, Jim, indicated to me that we enter into intimate relationship with people to learn a lesson or resolve something in our life from the past.  Gary was clearly trying to illuminate something in me that was a blind spot.  The problem with a blind spot is that it is very tough to see it and have a clear picture of what could be resolved.  I explored the issue with another friend of mine, Peter, and he told me exactly what Gary had been trying to express, only he expressed it with a very visual image.  He gave the feedback to me in a classic way that put all my defences at rest.  He told me what was wonderful about me and then told me where the improvement might be.

Here is what Peter had to say.  “You have all these wonderful gifts that you use to support people through their turmoil and right now you are transporting these gifts around in a beat up pick-up truck.  These gifts that you have are so wonderful that they deserve to be transported in a brand new Chevy Silverado 3500HD pickup truck, with leather seats, air conditioning and a fantastic tie down system to hold all your wonderful gifts in place.”  When Peter painted this picture for me, I got exactly what Gary had been trying to tell me.  It wasn’t a matter of me being good enough or not good enough, it was that there is another way for me to be and that is “elegant.”

How do I become elegant?  No idea, but I am clear that it is possible and I know that the first step in accomplishing anything is to have a clear intent. And now I have that!

I am grateful to all my friends who provided feedback for me to explore this issue in greater depth.  It is awareness that allows us to continue growing.

Trust in Relationships

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I read some notes last night from a mastermind meeting that I went to about 2 months ago.   What my friend provided me with was a redefinition of the word responsibility.  The etymology of the word means being  ”morally accountable for one’s actions” is attested from 1836.  He redefined it as being able to “respond to possibility.”

Yesterday I had a major and profound insight in my life.

I am in the process of  living into my vision of having a virtual business that I can conduct from any place into the world. My first adventure will be to live in, and work from, Belize for three months at the end of this year.  I have one friend there, my dive instructor who I am in contact with on Facebook.  I let him know that I was starting to look on the internet for a place to stay and he offered to find me a place.

When he came back with a solution to my problem of finding a place with internet access, I showed up with a whole host of additional questions.   I felt a sense of nervousness in my body.  Would this place be OK?  Would I like living here?  As a guy could I trust him to make this decision for me?  Not withstanding all these questions, I told him to go ahead, but could I possibly see some pictures.

What I realized yesterday was I have never trusted a man to look after me and make an appropriate decision for me.  I have always had to have control of my own life.  On an energetic level if I don’t trust that a man will look after me, then who do you think that I attract into my life.  Men, where I am the driving force, men who can trust me to look after them.  Needless to say at some point either the man or I became unhappy and things fell apart.

Men are historically conditioned to be providers and as a woman I want to know that I can trust a man to provide for me, even if I earn more money.  Being a provider goes beyond money, it relates to a man being on purpose, having a target that they are going for, and having a zest for life.   So it is interesting that my inability to trust was sabotaging what I want most from fully showing up in my life.

When I surrendered to the idea of trusting my friend to choose an appropriate place for me, I could feel the flutters of fear in my chest.  I was actually afraid to let someone look after me.  Being a voracious learner in life, I have requested that my friend not send me pictures of the place he rents for me!

I said I wanted this to be an adventure and the adventure starts now.  I want to be responsible; I want to be able to respond to the possibilities as they occur.  Resistance and fear may show up and I am committed to resolving these in my life.

What is it that you don’t trust, be it at work or in relationships?  What is it that you are afraid of?  If you’re a woman, what are you doing or how are you being to create this situation?  If you’re a man, how ready are you to fully support the trust of a woman?

Why does back stabbing occur at work?

Friday, April 16th, 2010

This statement was posted on face book:

‘There are days when I hear my friends’ stories of corporate politics and backstabbing … I wonder… why do people have to play that way?”

In this month’s news letter from Catalyst Business Coaching I will talk about this from the corporate perspective and how to respond appropriately.  Here I would like to talk about this from my personal perspective.

People who responded to the post indicated that people behave this way due to watching reality TV and drama magazines.  This is the social conditioning argument, they are taught this in family life, school, team sports, dating, and the list goes on.  ”This is a sickness that pervades more than just the work place.”   I agree it is everywhere, because we as people are everywhere, and we have different kinds of insecurities.

From my own experience as I look back on who I was in the corporate world 10 years ago, the back stabbing seemed to come from a place of fear, lack of abundance, wanting to be better than someone else and looking for approval. Essentially I wanted to be loved and was afraid that I might not be. I felt separate from others and hence entered into competition with them. Unfortunately it was a game that was all about ME rather than a game that was about US.

Don’t get me wrong.  At the time I believed that I was acting in the best interest of the WE. I thought that my solution was the best solution and the right way to go.  So I excluded other’s opinions and when they didn’t agree with me I would talk about it with my “friends at work”. I would speak about how the other person was wrong and I would use great logical arguments as to why I was right.  Was this backstabbing?

Do we promote back stabbing even more when one person’s perspective is fueled by gossip and a dash of embellishment?  How many of us tell stories about other’s?  Even after all the work I have done, my ego still wants to be right and I have to catch myself when I speak about others.  My ego continues to behave as if I am separate from others and yet I know that I am connected to everyone.  It is a constant practice to be impeccable with the words I speak.

Jacque

Work Easy Interview with Cindi Pree, Virtual Business Partner

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Upon meeting Cindi Pree of the Kulshan Group it was quickly apparent we shared similar views on working easy for life balance. Having started and operated a few businesses, she now shares her knowledge and expertise as a Virtual Business Partner. Visit Cindi at www.kulshangroup.com

Here’s her story.

Working Easy is huge for Cindi, but it hasn’t always been the case. A one-time home school mom, on top of all the usual routines, she, “spent many years running – berating myself for not getting enough done. That’s not working easy.”

After a divorce she decided to find a happier life, and came to understand there was a healthier way to work and live too.  Her search led her to meditation and spirituality. Jill Bolte Taylor’s “My Stroke of Insight” showed her how being disconnected from her right brain was tied into working hard. She gave herself permission to play – meditate, paint, even do nothing.

Cindi realized it wasn’t necessary to be frantic to be productive and she wasn’t going to do it anymore.

Past work with realtors working east coast hours and weekends, made Mondays hell. We worked frantically for 3 days to catch up, she says.  “Eventually I recognized a pattern though; we were always caught up by Wednesday and she developed a new mind set.  “It’s going to be OK,” she would tell herself and her staff.

Studying the teachings of Abraham she learned that time is a perception, it’s a human construct. The way we divide up the day is made up.  We have all kinds of time; it’s how we use it that counts. She alludes to Steven Covey’s Big Rock story. We need to decide what our big rocks are. “For me it used to be getting the work done. Now the priority is how I feel when I am working.  I continuously check in, moment to moment, and ask how it feels?”

Now if she puts in a long day it’s because she has done her ‘gut check’ and she’s doing it because she wants to, not because someone says she should or has to.

When asked what supports her in working easy she says, “It’s really important to know your strengths and weaknesses – analyze your work style and make sure what you’re doing works for you. Because I’m a linear person I look at and incorporate tools, systems and procedures, and create short cuts.”

Drawing on Lean Manufacturing, Kaizen and 6 Sigma principles, she strives for efficiency.  She asks Five Whys: ask yourself why you are doing something five times and you’ll get to the core of it.  If your answer is ‘because this is the way I’ve always done it’, or ‘because someone told me to’ there is likely room for change.

She looks for ways to be productive, “If I am more productive here, then I have more time to play!”

She always asks, “Does it benefit me? Is there a better way? Is there a better tool?  If I’m using a tool, am I using it the best way?” Fewer mouse clicks to complete a task shaves off time. Even if it’s a few hundredths of a second it adds up every time you repeat it

Are you sending the same kind of documents often? Create templates. Looking for the same website over and over again? Make shortcuts. If you are reaching across the desk to grab something many times a day, move it to where it is handy. Keep visual clues, and use color coding to track projects.

Cindi’s recommendation: “Get in the habit of finding something to change before you start each day. Once you start doing this and you see the increased ease you will find more and more ways to streamline. Even after all the years I’ve been doing this I still find myself asking why I’m doing things a particular way.”

She also recommends spending a little money to have someone show you how to use the tools you have efficiently. We get bombarded by new tools all the time, but we don’t need to run out and buy them all. Bottom-line: A mind set of looking for ease has to come first, otherwise implementing the time-saving real world stuff just leaves room to fill up with a longer ‘to do’ list.

I tried Cindi’s tip of starting my day with changing something.  I really like this and plan to continue!

Lynne