Posts Tagged ‘Conditioning’

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Why does back stabbing occur at work?

Friday, April 16th, 2010

This statement was posted on face book:

‘There are days when I hear my friends’ stories of corporate politics and backstabbing … I wonder… why do people have to play that way?”

In this month’s news letter from Catalyst Business Coaching I will talk about this from the corporate perspective and how to respond appropriately.  Here I would like to talk about this from my personal perspective.

People who responded to the post indicated that people behave this way due to watching reality TV and drama magazines.  This is the social conditioning argument, they are taught this in family life, school, team sports, dating, and the list goes on.  ”This is a sickness that pervades more than just the work place.”   I agree it is everywhere, because we as people are everywhere, and we have different kinds of insecurities.

From my own experience as I look back on who I was in the corporate world 10 years ago, the back stabbing seemed to come from a place of fear, lack of abundance, wanting to be better than someone else and looking for approval. Essentially I wanted to be loved and was afraid that I might not be. I felt separate from others and hence entered into competition with them. Unfortunately it was a game that was all about ME rather than a game that was about US.

Don’t get me wrong.  At the time I believed that I was acting in the best interest of the WE. I thought that my solution was the best solution and the right way to go.  So I excluded other’s opinions and when they didn’t agree with me I would talk about it with my “friends at work”. I would speak about how the other person was wrong and I would use great logical arguments as to why I was right.  Was this backstabbing?

Do we promote back stabbing even more when one person’s perspective is fueled by gossip and a dash of embellishment?  How many of us tell stories about other’s?  Even after all the work I have done, my ego still wants to be right and I have to catch myself when I speak about others.  My ego continues to behave as if I am separate from others and yet I know that I am connected to everyone.  It is a constant practice to be impeccable with the words I speak.

Jacque

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Finding our True Self

Friday, February 26th, 2010

The blog post below contains a story about Lora and her search for her true self after divorce.  It took divorce for her to start uncovering who she really is and what makes her happy.

The Search for Authenticity   http://bit.ly/aeKmT4

The question was posed, “why is this lesson one that so many of us have to learn the hard way?” “How can we help our children so they don’t have to learn the hard way?”

Why did I have to do it the hard way?  It was because I already had an idea of what life was suppose to be like as I matured into a young adult.  Get a good education, get a good job, find a man, have kids (this step never materialized) and this is what life is all about.  I continued  on this path until one day I realized I had lost all sense of happiness.   It wasn’t until then that I started asking the questions; What is life about?  What do I want?  I then went on a journey to find happiness.

On the journey I found out that I had to do lots of personal development work to drop off baggage from my growing up.  I think we all develop baggage — emotional conditioning — that we can choose to deal with in adult hood or not.  For me dropping off this baggage has allowed me to find my authentic self — who I really am when I am fully showing up as me.

I think we all need to do this as adults.  It seems to me the problem occurs because we avoid doing this work until a crisis precipitates — such as divorce — and then we start the journey.  In my case I started when I had major stress at work and was looking for happiness.

How do we help our kids?  Let them know that there is another kind of learning that they can do as adults — personal development and spiritual development.   There is more learning to do than what is taught in high school and university.

Is all the personal development learning worth it?  Absolutely.   I love who I have become and how I relate to people and all the opportunities that are in front of me.  Plus I get to use it for the rest of my life.

Jacque

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Women’s Health and Depression

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Did you know 1 in 8 women will suffer from depression in their life?

For myself I have touched up against this at least twice in my life.   The first time was when an  unfortunate and traumatic event occurred at work causing huge stress. The second time was last year when I was facing the prospect of divorce.  Major events can cause a lot of stress and these events push our “emotional hot buttons”.

The attached article provides a wonderful summary of depression and the warning signs for depression.  Unfortunately we can be really good at ignoring the early warning signs and just keep soldiering on.   I know, I did, and I just talked to a woman yesterday who is right in the middle of it.

Here is the link to the article.  http://us1.campaign-archive.com/?u=f9aa97b7af9b37ce524bcab00&id=ce81a9341c&e=1e5c4ed479

The article makes some great suggestions on how to over come depression.   The first 3 options, diet, exercise and vitamins can be used to prevent as well as manage depression.  From my experience there is at least one if not many other avenues to avert depression, prior to drug therapy.

In my case I did extensive work to resolve the emotional conditioning from my past that caused me to be fearful and shut down.  Due the pending divorce I was afraid to be alone and if things just stayed the same then I would be safe.

I participated in, and now teach, Core Dynamics Coaching.  These techniques released a tremendous amount of energy that had been stored in my body.  As a result most of my fears have dissolved, I have no anxiety and I feel an amazing sense of joy.

There are alternatives to drug therapy if we are willing to recognize our situation and take positive action early.   You can dissolve your “emotional hot buttons” and I believe avoid depression.  What avoids depression also leads to greater happiness, better life balance.  Not to mention that work will feel easier when you feeling good.

Jacque

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Life is too short to work hard!

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

When I came to the realization somewhere back in my twenties that I would be working to make a living for a good chunk of my life I decided that work should be fun. So I set out to find a career I enjoyed. The work I’ve done since has varied, with each career change bringing me closer to realizing my aspiration.

So what makes work fun? For me it’s doing things I enjoy. Initially I wanted to explore creativity and worked in media production. The creative process and intense schedules were exciting. I enjoyed the many learning curves as technology advanced and brought new challenges, but after awhile it got tiring. Next, I focused my attention on personal development outside of my career. I wanted to express my new spiritual ideals through work, but found that a little challenging. For a while I simply used my creativity to manifest work situations that served my financial and professional development needs. Now as a business coach, I get to share my creativity, my spiritual values, help others manifest their highest aspirations and I am fulfilled.

Fulfillment is what makes work easy and fulfillment is recognizing what brings us alive, what makes life meaningful, knowing what we value. When we are fulfilled, we like being engaged in the associated activities. If we are not fulfilled, it feels like a chore. For example, when I am having a meaningful conversation with a client that is helping them move forward in their business I am totally engaged and loving what is happening. It’s rewarding to me when they accomplish their goals and I empathize and aid in their learning when things don’t go as expected. I feel blessed to share the journey with them.

Through my own journey I’ve come to appreciate that each of us has a vocation that we are naturally suited to. The gifts and we are born with, the talent we develop and the skills we learn, combined with our passion, purpose and values add up to a unique way that we each make a contribution in our world through work. It’s not always immediately apparent to us though. We are cultured to value only what we have to work hard for. Yet because our greatest talents come to us easily we take them for granted, assuming everyone else has them too.

When we are finally able to shed the limiting beliefs and conditioning that keeps us from fully expressing our passion and using our greatest gifts, our hearts start to sing. Our true vocation is bliss. Work is easy and life becomes balanced. Many of the entrepreneurs I have the priviledge to work with are brilliant examples of this principle. I look forward to sharing some of thier stories with you.

Lynne Brisdon, PCC

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