Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

« Older Entries

Honoring Relationship Intentions

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

Have you noticed that when your work life balance is off it affects your relationships?  And when you have concerns about relationshp it affects your focus at work?  Many people who come to  our Emotional Hot Button Removal workshops tell us it’s their relationship issues that push their buttons.  We’ve also noticed  that many people who hire us for coaching come to work on life balance concerns related to work, but we also end up looking at their relationships.  

We’ve talked about setting intentions and that relates to relationships too.  Here’s something from my own experience I’d like to share. When my husband and I  got together we had each been in two long term relationships before and had very clear ideas of what we intended in our new relationship. 

When we decided to get married we were very intentional about what we were committing to.  Looking for the right words we came across a peice my husband wrote several years before we met.  It resonated so much we made part of our vows, 5 years ago on the first day of spring. 

“Come.  Let us join hands – and walk together.  And let our differences be but a testimony to understanding.  And let understanding be the foundation for love.  And let that love put stars beneath our feet.  That they may float to carry through the heavens.Still In Love!

And hand in hand may we pass through the gate.  To where once we stood – gazing out before we parted.  To a place I see through misted veils.  To the garden of our youth.

   And let us pause along the way to speak with those with whom we meet.  And tell them of our journey – of where it is we’re off to be.  And extend a hand if they should ask – that we might enter not alone.

   And if they should choose another route – or if they should simply rest beside the road – then let us love them where we meet.  That they might carry a part of us – and we a part of them.  For it may be theirs to bring up the rear – or watch the flanks.  To see that none get lost or left behind.  Or they may simply be waiting for a friend.

   And if we should travel ahead of some then let us fill our days with smoothing the trail.  That those who follow may move with ease.  For the trail walked by those before was a rougher trail than that we see today.

   And if somewhere along the way I should have to rest – then go ahead.  Continue on your way.  Work along the trail.  I’ll join you shortly.  And if it should be the other way then I shall do the same.  And when at last we’re gathered there looking back the way we came – we shall find that that is also the way we went.  And that through all of this we were but a breath away.”

Lynne Brisdon, PCC

www.livinginvision.com

Read more on Relationship Intentions

Posted in Life Balance, Relationships, Spiritual | 1 Comment »

I Have Your Back

Friday, March 18th, 2011
Friends Provide Help

Friends Provide Help

Due to the challenging economy a friend of mine has found herself in a very challenging financial situation.  Difficult situations often trigger emotional reactions stemming from the emotional conditioning of our childhoods.   These emotional reactions usually present themselves in the form of stress.  The symptoms of stress may be a loss of sleep, worry or anxiety.  Often we cope with stress by trying to brave it out until one day we notice that it becomes difficult to get out of bed or our heart is pounding and we feel weak all over.  We become caught in the vicious cycle of depression or panic attacks, as is the case for my friend.  These can become so severe that the only way to cope is to go to our doctor and have them prescribe drugs to alleviate the symptoms.

However there is another solution, we can choose to resolve the emotional conditioning from our childhood that has us locked in the grip of fear.  Often we believe we can handle things on our own and hence we don’t seek help until it is too late.  I know that I have faced many situations on my own rather than seeking help.  It wasn’t until I went through my divorce that I learned how to ask for help.

Because my friend does not feel like she can afford my services I have offered to remove her Emotional Hot Buttons for free.  I received this communication from her this morning as a response to my e-mail asking her when she would like more coaching. “I have been reluctant to bug you, but I am having a tough time despite the medication that I have received from my doctor. No panic attacks, just feeling sad about putting our house up for sale.”

My response to her was this:

You are welcome to my coaching services.  If I can’t help my friends who are in need then what is the point of life.  I am learning a new way of being from a man who is amazingly generous.  He tells me that for what ever he gives, God will give him 3X over.   If he is right, what ever I give you, God will give me 3X times over.  And if not at least I will feel the love in my heart from giving.

A house and all the stuff in it is just stuff, it does not define our life unless we let it.  It is just a perception that the stuff we have is important.  Unfortunately our attachment to it can create great suffering.  We can choose to let go of our attachments and be open to what ever lessons the universe has for us.   I let go of almost all the possessions I had when my marriage came to an end.  It felt awful, but I have learned that it was all just stuff.  I let it go and it gave me the freedom to move on and live the life of my dreams.   Many people are envious that I am able to live in Belize while I write my book.  I wouldn’t have done this if I still had all the stuff.

One of my Belizean friends lives in a ply-board house with a tin roof and only cold running water. This man wakes up happy every day no matter what his problems and is a very generous person.  He has taught me that people who are poor stick together and help each other out.  Generosity and love are way more valuable than the material things I thought were so important.

So my friend, please access my services and thank God that I followed my intuition and kept learning new techniques to help heal myself so that now I can share this with others.  Some day you will get back on your feet, maybe I will need help and then you can help me or maybe someone else will need help and you can help them.  Help is always available when we are open to receiving it. The quality of life that we have is not dependent on the stuff that we have it is dependent on the love we have in our hearts.

What I observe about the poor people in Belize is that there is camaraderie among family and friends. They have your back.

So my friend it is my pleasure to have your back.

Tags: ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Random Acts of Kindness

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010
The Beach in front of Ruby's Hotel

The Beach in front of Ruby's Hotel

Video:  Random Acts of Kindness

I was in  San Pedro, Belize for 4 days and I was the recipient of numerous random acts of kindness.  It appears that it just part of their culture here in Belize.

The random acts of kindness started with Island Divers who I did my scuba diving lessons with last year.  I had kept in contact with my dive instructor and when I showed up at the office, Rudy the owner immediately starting thinking of who he knew that might have apartments for rent.  When I came with a list of people to call who had placed advertisements in the local paper, Rudy was more than happy to let me use his phone.

I spent the rest of that day being toured around from apartment to apartment.  I viewed the full range of housing from tourist grade condo’s tol third world apartments for the locals.  Some were possible options and others were out of the question.  I waited to find out if I would be accepted at a couple of the tourist grade places, because they normally only accept a 6 month rentals and I am planing on staying for 3 months.

The next morning when I woke up in my third floor hotel room, which has a big deck over looking the ocean, I felt how grateful I was for all the help that I was receiving.  Plus I realized that I could stay put in this hotel room if necessary.  My room at Ruby’s is clean, I am safe and I have some friends who are helping me.  Plus I have 3 decks to choose from for my office depending upon how much shade I need.  What more did I want, I was in heaven.

I already have my local cheap and good restaurants where I am a regular client.  Coming home from breakfast that morning two guys who do condo sales for Captain Morgans started chatting with me.  Before I knew it they had commandeered a golf cart, the local mode of transportation here, and were touring me around to every property management place they could think of.  They called ahead to people to find out who might have space available.  They found me a brand new apartment about a mile out of town, which was a great option and the owner was willing to rent it right away.

First I wanted to speak to Bob from Coral Beach Reality who had showed me a place the previous day.  It turned out his client did not want to accept a shorter term rental.  Bob however had heard about an apartment in a building where a friend of his lived.  Bob picked up the phone and tracked down the owner and then drove me over to meet the owner.  The owner had wanted to do some work on the apartment and didn’t really have it on the rental  market, but it was perfect for me.  It was at the far end of town so it would be easy for me to walk to the stores and to the local bar to go dancing on Saturday.  And it is just outside of the hustle and bustle of  the main part of town, plus from my deck I can see the ocean as it only 2 buildings away from the beach.  It was perfect and I took it on the spot.

What was in it for all these people to help me?  Nothing other than the joy that it brought to their hearts to undertake a random act of kindness for a Canadian woman wanting to write a book in the sunshine.  These people have shown me how to open my heart even more to be generous and helpful just because I can.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Feedback Helps Growth

Thursday, August 26th, 2010
The Truck has a new paint job!

The Truck has a new paint job!

To keep growing it takes courage to seek feedback and hear the truth from people that are close to us.  A new friend, Gary has been giving me feedback about how I am being.  I must admit that for the most part I did not understand what he was trying to tell me and I also had a lot of resistance to the message that I was hearing.   After all, I had already done a significant amount of personal development work and I really like the person that I have become.  Especially when I compare myself now to whom I use to be.

One of the things that I really appreciate about myself is that I am a committed and avid learner.  So although I had resistance to the message that I was hearing from Gary, I started to check out this messages with other people that are close to me.  Two things happened.   There were those people who love me for exactly who I am and the way that I am today.  These people questioned me about my desire and motivation to change.  Their basic position was that we are fundamentally who we are and that I am just fine the way I am.  I am just fine the way I am and sometimes the people who love us may not be helping us to grow.

I continued to seek more feedback. Due all the emotional energy that I had resolved over the last two years my intuition told me that Gary might have a point and something else might be possible.  One of my friends, Jim, indicated to me that we enter into intimate relationship with people to learn a lesson or resolve something in our life from the past.  Gary was clearly trying to illuminate something in me that was a blind spot.  The problem with a blind spot is that it is very tough to see it and have a clear picture of what could be resolved.  I explored the issue with another friend of mine, Peter, and he told me exactly what Gary had been trying to express, only he expressed it with a very visual image.  He gave the feedback to me in a classic way that put all my defences at rest.  He told me what was wonderful about me and then told me where the improvement might be.

Here is what Peter had to say.  “You have all these wonderful gifts that you use to support people through their turmoil and right now you are transporting these gifts around in a beat up pick-up truck.  These gifts that you have are so wonderful that they deserve to be transported in a brand new Chevy Silverado 3500HD pickup truck, with leather seats, air conditioning and a fantastic tie down system to hold all your wonderful gifts in place.”  When Peter painted this picture for me, I got exactly what Gary had been trying to tell me.  It wasn’t a matter of me being good enough or not good enough, it was that there is another way for me to be and that is “elegant.”

How do I become elegant?  No idea, but I am clear that it is possible and I know that the first step in accomplishing anything is to have a clear intent. And now I have that!

I am grateful to all my friends who provided feedback for me to explore this issue in greater depth.  It is awareness that allows us to continue growing.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Life Balance, Relationships | 1 Comment »

Trust in Relationships

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I read some notes last night from a mastermind meeting that I went to about 2 months ago.   What my friend provided me with was a redefinition of the word responsibility.  The etymology of the word means being  ”morally accountable for one’s actions” is attested from 1836.  He redefined it as being able to “respond to possibility.”

Yesterday I had a major and profound insight in my life.

I am in the process of  living into my vision of having a virtual business that I can conduct from any place into the world. My first adventure will be to live in, and work from, Belize for three months at the end of this year.  I have one friend there, my dive instructor who I am in contact with on Facebook.  I let him know that I was starting to look on the internet for a place to stay and he offered to find me a place.

When he came back with a solution to my problem of finding a place with internet access, I showed up with a whole host of additional questions.   I felt a sense of nervousness in my body.  Would this place be OK?  Would I like living here?  As a guy could I trust him to make this decision for me?  Not withstanding all these questions, I told him to go ahead, but could I possibly see some pictures.

What I realized yesterday was I have never trusted a man to look after me and make an appropriate decision for me.  I have always had to have control of my own life.  On an energetic level if I don’t trust that a man will look after me, then who do you think that I attract into my life.  Men, where I am the driving force, men who can trust me to look after them.  Needless to say at some point either the man or I became unhappy and things fell apart.

Men are historically conditioned to be providers and as a woman I want to know that I can trust a man to provide for me, even if I earn more money.  Being a provider goes beyond money, it relates to a man being on purpose, having a target that they are going for, and having a zest for life.   So it is interesting that my inability to trust was sabotaging what I want most from fully showing up in my life.

When I surrendered to the idea of trusting my friend to choose an appropriate place for me, I could feel the flutters of fear in my chest.  I was actually afraid to let someone look after me.  Being a voracious learner in life, I have requested that my friend not send me pictures of the place he rents for me!

I said I wanted this to be an adventure and the adventure starts now.  I want to be responsible; I want to be able to respond to the possibilities as they occur.  Resistance and fear may show up and I am committed to resolving these in my life.

What is it that you don’t trust, be it at work or in relationships?  What is it that you are afraid of?  If you’re a woman, what are you doing or how are you being to create this situation?  If you’re a man, how ready are you to fully support the trust of a woman?

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

« Older Entries